Posted by
Ric Dibney on Monday, December 03, 2007 5:03:57 PM
I wanted to state right off the bat that I hate everybody. So I hope the reader doesn't take offense. It's nothing personal. It's just the way things are when you are a conservative. We hate everybody. We hate all races. We hate all religions. We hate all cultures and languages. We hate both genders and everybody of any and all sexual preferences. So, being a conservative, it makes perfect sense that I hate everyone. Please understand.
I also need to make sure the reader knows I am basically ignorant. I can't spell my way out of a paper bag and I can't comprehend anything that isn't a football score. The reason I see the world as I do is because I am a simpleton, a moron, and a big, fat dummy. I didn't go to the right school. In fact, it's questionable if I actually attended any school in the first place. I'm sitting in my easy chair now, waiting for the little woman to bring me a peanut butter sandwich because I haven't mastered the jar lid just yet.
Just one more thing here. I am astoundingly rude and insensitive. This could probably be explained by the fact that I'm dumb as a stump and hate everyone who isn't a knuckle-dragger just like me. But I have an opinion and I sometimes share it. I don't treat the front page of my newspaper like the Holy Bible. I don't even treat the editorial pages that way. I don't care what the foofs on television have to say or the folks who play pretend for a living in Hollywood. I laugh out loud when they tell me how to vote, think, act and speak. I cry when a baby's life is snuffed out for someone's convenience. I get angry when someone squirms to explain how we need to get out of Iraq right now while they "support the troops." I pray to Jesus, listen to Rush Limbaugh AND Glenn Beck, and think CNN really does stand for "Communist News Network." I began cleaning my oven MORE when I heard we were creating the hole in the ozone layer and once that began to shrink I started going polar bear hunting in my gas-guzzling SUV in my efforts to support global warming. I think it's time Muslims began putting a stop to all those machete-welding "peaceful" people who turn into a bloodthirsty mob every time someone draws a cartoon or names a teddy bear they don't like. I don't think old ladies are carrying bombs in their purses when they board airplanes on the way to see the grandkids. I DO think terrorists could very easily slip across our border with Mexico and release a dirty bomb in an American city because Bush AND Congress AND everyone else in authority doesn't seem to give a rip. I think that when Hillary Clinton moves her lips, she's either chewing her food or lying. I think Obama's an air head who memorized a dictionary and Edwards is a clown with a hospital-chaser's grin. Mormonism IS a cult, but Mormons are decent people. We can drill for oil without killing fuzzy little bunny rabbits and WHILE we develop alternative energy sources.
I think I have a brain in my skull and I was under the impression I have a license to use it. But every time I talk to a liberal or hear one speak, I get no reasoned response. All I get is cliche's and put-downs. My prayer is that lots and lots of ignorant people-haters like me will have had their fill of it all just like me when it comes time to vote next November. What about you?